Phil sees THE LAST WITCH HUNTER from Lionsgate-February 6, 2016

I've never been a big Vin Diesel fan. Granted people love the guy and yes, I guess he's kind of a sexy bad ass in the FAST AND THE FURIOUS series. But for the most part, he's just not a very good actor. There, I said it. I did like him as Groot in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY but, then again, he only had one line that he repeated throughout the film. And Groot was a computer generated character so he officially didn't appear in it. So when I saw his latest film THE LAST WITCH HUNTER, I found myself thinking that Vin Diesel should probably stop making movies all together and just do voiceover work.

Theatrical Movie Poster (2015)

The film's official synopsis: The modern world holds many secrets, but the most astounding secret of all is that witches still live amongst us; vicious supernatural creatures intent on unleashing the Black Death upon the world. Armies of witch hunters battled the unnatural enemy across the globe for centuries, including Kaulder (Vin Diesel), a valiant warrior who managed to slay the all-powerful Queen Witch (Julie Engelbrecht), decimating her followers in the process. In the moments right before her death, the Queen curses Kaulder with her own immortality, forever separating him from his beloved wife and daughter in the afterlife. Today Kaulder is the only one of his kind remaining, and has spent centuries hunting down rogue witches, all the while yearning for his long-lost loved ones. However, unbeknownst to Kaulder, the Queen Witch is resurrected and seeks revenge on her killer causing an epic battle that will determine the survival of the human race.

Wow, this was such a bad movie. I mean really, really bad. Really bad acting, really bad characters, a script that sounded like it was written by a sixth grader, everything was just bad. This is a film that I can see Michal J. Nelson, Kevin Murphey and Bill Corbett from RiffTrax making fun of (hint hint guys). I still can't understand how films like this get made. Who in their right mind would greenlight a project like this and think it'll do well at the boxoffice? C'mon Mr. Hollywood Big Shot Executive, you cannot be that naive! You should've known that this movie was going to suck ass! And yet you still went ahead and gave the "go ahead" and made this piece of crap. And it bombed hard at the boxoffice but you knew that was bound to happen. Vin Diesel plus good movies do not add up at all. So stop making crap and start making good movies please! Thank you!

Another factor I'm dumbfounded is why in the hell is Michael Caine in this movie.He is a talented and legendary actor whose made some amazing and powerful works of art. The man has apoerared in ZULU, ALFIE, BATTLE OF BRITAIN, THE ITALIAN JOB, THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING, A BRIDGE TOO FAR, DRESSED TO KILL, HANNAH AND HER SISTERS, THE CIDER HOUSE RULES, THE PRESTIGE, CHILDREN OF MEN and the DARK KNIGHT TRILOGY. He's one of the all-time greats and yet he appeared in this abomination of a film. Why Michael? You're better than this. Did you do it for the money? We're you just bored? Seriously I really want to know! Get back to me later on that buddy! 

So in conclusion, THE LAST WITCH HUNTER is a total piece of shit that will make you feel dumber after watching it. The film doesn't even qualify for the, "It's so bad it's good" moniker. It's just bad. Don't even waste your time with this movie. You're better off watching paint dry because let me tell you that's more entertaining than watching this movie. 1 out of 5 stars!! Just say no!!

THE LAST WITCH HUNTER is still playing in select theaters and is also available on Blu-Ray and DVD at your local retailer. It's also available on Redbox and Video On Demand.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the show!

Phil attends the special screenig of THE CRAFT hosted by Peachers Christ at the Castro Theatre-July 13, 2013

The "Summer of Peaches" continued this past Saturday as our favorite drag queen superstar Peaches Christ returned to the Castro Theatre for another cinematic extravaganza! After last month's screening of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE, I was super excited for this month's screening of the 1996 bewitching classic THE CRAFT. Upon arriving at the historic Castro Theatre, the line for the 8pm screening was insane. It went all the way around the block! I soon discovered that the show was completely sold out! Yup, I knew it was going to be one fun-filled night!

The crowd was in party mode that night. They were wild, they were rambunctious, they were hanging from the balcony! Upon entering the theatre, the lobby was already packed with people lining up for popcorn and snacks! There were two bar locations: one in the lobby off to the side and the other was upstairs in the mezzanine. There was a Peaches Christ merchandise table with cool tee shirts, hoodies, and 8x10 pics her. They also had on sale her debut film ALL ABOUT EVIL (directed under his real name Joshua Grannell) which yours truly bought, so look for my review of that film in the very near future! About 8pm, I settled down in my seat and waited with anticipation for the pre-show to begin.

As soon as the lights dimmed, there was a humongous roar from the audience that almost deafening! Then our hostess Peaches Christ came out on stage, decked out in a very sexy school girl outfit. She greeted the rowdy audience and thanked them all for coming out to the show. She said that this was THE screening that she was looking forward to because it's that last show that the real fans come out for, and boy was she right! The audience yelled and screamed back with enthusiasm. And then, the pre-show THE CRAFT OF DRAG finally began!

Sharon, Peaches, Alaska, and Honey strike a pose.

This was very exciting! In the pre-show, Peaches bids farewell to San Francisco and travels to her new home: Los Angeles! There she goes to a private school where she meets its outcasts: Sharon Needles (RuPaul's Drag Race season four winner), Alaska Thunderfuck (season five finalist and Sharon's real life boyfriend), and Honey Mahogany (this past season's RuPaul's Drag Race contestant). The reason they're outcasts is because some of the kids say they're witches, and for a while now, they have been seeking out their fourth member of their convent. With the arrival of Peaches, the invoke the spirit of Tranon! Then came the witches' infamous chant, "Now is the time! This is the hour! Drag is our magic! Drag is our power!" It was awesome!!

This was one of Peaches' biggest productions ever! The show was very elaborate! There were the traditional cardboard background sets (which are timeless), but there were numerous dancers and dance numbers complete with our ladies lip syncing to numerous songs from the film's soundtrack, beautiful costumes, numerous cast members, set changes, and one hilarious and outstanding script! Taking it all in was just so overwhelming! I couldn't believe what I was watching! The entire cast was superb! Honey and Alaska were great in the show, and Peaches was just fabolous as always, but the star of the night was undoubtedly Sharon. She literally stole the show with her wit, humor and her sexy good looks, but performance was just outstanding! I can't wait to see her again!

After the amazing pre-show was over (it ran for well over an hour, which is one of the longest pre-shows I have ever attended), the audience rose to their feet and gave a standing ovation!! Peaches called out the cast and had them all do one last bow. Then she had a surprise for the fans of THE CRAFT. She called from the audience the director of the film Andrew Fleming! Wow!! What a surprise this was!! She and Sharon did a little interview with him and was very funny. Afterwards, it was time to watch the film!

Theatrical Movie Poster (1996)

THE CRAFT centers on a troubled teenage girl named Sarah Bailey (Robin Tunney), whose family has moved from San Francisco to LA. At her new school, she befriends a group of girls that are rumored to be witches: Nancy (Fairuza Balk), Bonnie (Neve Campbell), and Rochelle (Rachel True). As it turns out, the girls really are witches, and have been waiting for Sarah to complete their coven. They worship a powerful deity named "Manon" and soon, all four girls begin to display amazing magical powers. However, things begin to go awry as the girls begin to use their newly acquired powers against all those who have angered them. This does not sit well with Sarah, who must stop Nancy who is drunk on power and has gone insane.

It's been awhile since I've the movie, and I totally forgot how awesome the film was. I was a big time Robin Tunney fan and I used to watch all her films. At the time Neve Campbell was a big time TV star thanks to the WB show Party of Five. In December of that same year, she would blow up big time thanks to a little slasher film called SCREAM. Fairuza Balk would later appear in films like THE WATERBOY, AMERICAN HISTORY X, and ALMOST FAMOUS. The film was distributed to theaters by Columbia Pictures on May 3, 1996. It grossed $55.6 million dollars on a budget of only $15 million! Back then that was a lot of money!

What an incredible night!! Once again Peaches outdid herself with this event! However, next month's event is the ever popular SHOWGIRLS screening, so you know that it's gonna be crazy!! Tickets are on sale for that event, so buy them now before it sells out!! And if you are interested in becoming a fan of Peaches Christ, or want to view her upcoming shows, visit her website at www.peacheschrist.com. Also follow Peaches on Facebook and Twitter!

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the show!

Phil's Halloween Horrors Marathon, Day 11: Phil reviews THE GOOD SISTERS (2009) DVD from Forbidden Pictures-October 11, 2011

THE GOOD SISTERS DVD Cover (2012)

THE GOOD SISTERS
Starring: Debbie Rochon, April Monique Burril, David Calhoun, Allan Herlinger, Kristen Hudson, Aaron Martinek, Megan Martinek, Gaylynn Price, Brad Smoley, Sara Smoley, Katie Taylor
Produced by JimmyO Burril, April Monique Burril, Debbie Rochon, Katie Taylor, Shawn Jones
Executive Producer: David Calhoun
Written and directed by Jimmyo Burril
A Forbidden Pictures Production

Hello again everybody and welcome to Day Eleven of my horror movie marathon! As I stated in my Day 2 review, I picked up several new horror DVDs when I covered the Miss Misery's Days of Terror Horror Convention up in Sacramento. I picked up three DVDs from actress April Monique Burril, better know to horror fans as Chainsaw Sally. One of these was a film that has received critical acclaim within the horror genre. After viewing the film, I can honestly say that THE GOOD SISTERS is a fantastic horror/occult film that will undoubtedly cast a spell on you!

Genre icon Debbie Rochon and Burril portray sisters Breanne and Kindra Good respectively, witches that go to great lengths to protect their secret and their occult bloodline. Always on guard, the sisters become suspicious of their new neighbor Daniel (Calhoun), who might expose their secret to the world. Soon an all out battle between good and evil occurs, but which side will win?

The film was directed by April's husband JimmyO Burril who does an extraordinary job of creating tension, suspense and horror that really gripped this reviewer right from the beginning. Burril sets up a great pace for the film, starting out slow, then when the introduction of Daniel, the film builds up speed while simultaneously creating paranoia among the sisters. They begin to distrust all their neighbors because of their fear of Daniel, thus hysteria dictates their actions. A brilliant job on Burril's part!

Actress April Monique Burril (L) and Debbie Rochon (R)

Also great was the introduction of the Good Sisters. We see them in the beginning of the film talking and bickering with one another, like all siblings do. Great character development right from the get go and great on-screen chemistry between Burril and Rochon. Both of these ladies did an outstanding job with their respective characters. This is truly a rarity within the horror genre. Normally we are treated with such cliche two-dimensional characters that we cannot wait for them to die. Here this is not a problem, as we see the growth of these sisters throughout the film.

Now some will say this is like the film THE CRAFT or the old WB television show Charmed. However, let me clear the air that this is NOT like any of those examples. Let's face it, the Halliwell sisters never gutted their enemy with a sharp hook, sacrificed a cat and painted occult symbols on the wall with its blood, and dressed in provocative outfits and conduct a seance while half naked. Yes, this film contains all these juicy tidbits, but it's the story and the characters that really drive this film!

THE GOOD SISTERS is just a solid and stellar film; breathing new life to the occult/witchcraft subgenre. Horror fans will no doubt be surprised by this beautifully haunting piece of independent cinema! So don't waste any more time reading this review! Go buy this film today! 5 out of 5 stars! Highly recommended!

THE GOOD SISTERS is available on DVD and can be purchased from Forbidden Pictures. To purchase a copy, visit their website at www.forbiddenpictures.net. Also check out the film's offficial Facbook page!

thanks for reading, and enjoy the screaming!